no surrender👊

6.4-worried 💦

Some things are going on. Just everywhere. Like friends, family, doubting my future and choices. I’ve been feeling lazy and tired but I’m restless. 💢
My mom made me burgers…and didn’t yell at me for not washing dishes. She got me a wii and made us roast pork. What the heck…am I dying soon and not aware if it or something because I don’t know why she’s being extra nice today…my dad too…he seemed worried a lot today. 😣
WHAT IF I HAVE BEEN SECRETLY DIAGNOSED WITH SOME DISEASE AND HAVE TO LEAVE TO LIKE EUROPE OR SOMETHING AND THEY DON’T WANT TO MAKE ME SAD. 😱
I’m over reacting and worrying too much. I just can’t quite handle the situation so well. At least tomorrow I have a day to myself to relax and calm down. 💨

Street style: Kang So Young

(Source: koreanmodel, via suihanki)

69

yama-bato:

From: Yashima GAKUTEI (1786-1868) and Totoya HOKKEI (1780-1850) Two vols. kyoka books complete

37

flentes:

steep, jmae.trovato

(via suihanki)

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6.2-overview

Hello
I’m sleeping in my sister’s room tonight because I watched a bunch of Ghost Hunters episodes and I’m creeped out very much.
I miss my bedroom though. I hope I can sleep comfortably in here.

I watched part of The Underworld and it was pretty interesting. I need to watch the rest. It was extremely gory and violent. But I like it!

I’m tired. I haven’t had alone time. I always get text and calls from everyone. I just want a day where I’m not interrupted by anything. I want to have one of those “old Asian lady days”. That doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but to me it does! It just consists of:
-waking up early
-breakfast is tea with food and a bowl of rice
-watering the garden
-cook and wash dishes
-sweep the patio
-watch drama and eat
-bathe
-skin care routine
-sleep
that sounds fantastic. I just want to have a beautiful morning where I awake myself and not to my phone ringing the hell out of itself or vibrating off the table. I don’t want to be awoken by people coughing, talking, or invading my bedroom. It makes me mad! I want to wake up to pretty bird chirps and the sound of water. I want to smell steamed rice and coffee. Okay, now I can’t wait to wake up. Surely after June I will actually try to have my own days to myself. I just want to take advantage of summer.

I’ve been playing Pikmin a lot lately just to pass the time. It’s so addicting even though it sounds boring. I hate it but I still want to play. Damn video games.

I’ve been dying to play softball and badminton. I miss it so much! Hopefully the weather cools down so I can go out and play !

I have been reading my DragonBall manga each morning at the eating table. I read it until noon time and then I want to stop reading. I love it though…the story. DragonBall is one of my most favorite stories. The art is so adorable and I love all the characters. It’s based off this cool story of a Chinese legend of the Monkey King. I have always been interested in that story but I’m too lazy to read and watch it. So I just watch DragonBall instead! It’s like the story at least. Son Goku is Monkey, Oolan is the pig, and they face multiple gods to battle! Yay!

I feel like I need to stop typing. Good night…

6.2-frequently asked questions

People ask me a lot of questions and i will just answer them here so they can figure it out themselves because i hate repeating myself.
I get questions like:

Why don’t you like swimming ?

God, I just hate getting wet. It’s the most annoying thing in the world to be wearing something wet. It’s heavy and makes me lazy and itchy. I went to Roaring Springs one time and almost drowned. No one helped me. It scarred me for life and I don’t want to experience that ever again. If you’re thinking about hitting me in the face with water you must really hate me because I’ll probably cut you. Never ask me to go swimming.

Why do you like smelling gasoline and cigarette smoke?

Because it is an amazing scent that makes me nostalgic and go into escapism. When I was in Laos, we would wait for a city bus and it had this awesome smell of gasoline. So when I smell it, I think of when I was little in Laos. As for cigarette smoke I just think of when I was little too. Not that I smoked it or anything but I smelled it a lot. Make me think of childhood.

Why don’t you like tanning?

The feeling of the sun rays illuminating upon my flesh feels like claws scratching into my skin and dying it with a darker shade of skin tone. It leaves an ugly burn and mark that unevens my overall skin color. I hate it!

Why do you listen to music and watch movies from foreign countries?

It gives me an idea of what that culture is like and I get to learn about it more through film and music. I even learn some of the language and it always comes useful :) I love learning about other cultures anyway!

Why do you play guitar instead of a piano or some classical instrument like a viola similarly to what your sister and brother play?

Well because they randomly just wanted to play those instruments. I grew up with a dad who played guitar and had friends come over to play music with him. I watched sometimes until they kicked me out before I die of suffocation from cigarette smoke. But I went to some of my dad’s gigs and saw how cool he looked. I always heard rock music blasting from somewhere in my house. It went everywhere my father went and I just grew to love rock music. I’ve listened to it all my life and I will never get bored of it. Guitar is something I’ve always been interested in and always will be.

Why dont you speak Laos at home?

Because my tone is crap. And I don’t know how to speak formally so I don’t know when I’m being disrespectful or not. It’s embarrassing to make mistakes in a foreign language you used to only speak. I had to stop talking Laos to learn English and I guess I never went back to speaking Laos. Someday. Someday. I mean I had to communicate in school somehow …

Why do you like Thai music so much?

I think Thai music is damn amazing. I just don’t feel much emotion as I do when I listen to other songs like American. Thai music…or any other language I guess, they can tell stories without sounding weird or sounding like a country singer. I guess since its so close to Laos I just feel like everything they say is more serious. The way they play the music along to the vocals sounds pleasing enough to me. They typically sing about something worth singing about. I grew up listening to it anyways. I think it’s fun to play on guitar and fun to learn the language too.

Ok I’m half asleep.
I’m going to bed before I type something that doesn’t make sense.

change yourself

I used to be such a rebel. I hated life. I didn’t believe in anything. I was your typical emo wannabe kid who was lazy and cared for nothing. Friendship sounded like a load of rubbish to me and I did not care about having such relationships. Helping was something I thought was pointless. Punching every person who insulted me seemed right. Getting in trouble felt awesome and being different was the way to go.

A lot of kids think that way. Well you know what? It’s a terrible way of life that everyone has felt and needs to grow out of.

I really was just a total bitch.
But you know what? Everyone has to change themselves. Willingly!! I needed to change myself. I didn’t like myself and I finally realized how stupid I was.

Yeah, it doesn’t really seem like me huh… Life was not so fun around that time and it made me go crazy. I needed to pull myself together.

I made new friends. It felt weird at first. The feeling of pleasing someone with your personality was weird. I hadn’t felt it in a long time. They gave me hugs. I hated to be touched but they taught me to love it. Making a teacher love me was also strange. I felt like they were perverted or something at first but that was a stupid idea. I changed my music genre to something more relaxing. I listened to piano music and indie rock. I read books and visited parks to look at nature. I talked to everyone nicer with more than just monosyllabic replies. I began caring for my health more. I learned to love and help others. Yeah yeah yeah I changed a lot but it was for a good reason. I always tell myself to accept everything as is. It’s harder and harder but I think of the times when I didn’t accept everything. It ruined a lot of memories and I don’t want that again.

So, I just hope that people do know that you can change an unhealthy bitch into someone better. It just takes time. It’s hard and annoying but I think if everyone wasn’t so…I don’t know how to put it. I guess…a badass/rebel wannabe (?) they could live their lives happier and with happier people.

Ok I don’t think that post really made sense at all.

One friend secretly loves you
Suppressing the secret inside
Never opening herself up
With fears of being hurt and losing you

Hiding it for so long, it’s frustrating
The more we’re close together
The more I get nervous, you make eye contact
And I avoid your eyes, continuously

I stretch as far as I can reach, but it’s still too far away
The more you’re like a close friend
The more I don’t have the right to tell you

If it was anyone but you
Some day I might let you know, might tell you
But it’s you who I’m familiar with
So I must continue holding it back, weighing on my mind

Hiding it for so long, it’s frustrating
The more we’re close together
The more I get nervous, you make eye contact
And I avoid your eyes, continuously

I stretch as far as I can reach, but it’s still too far away
The more you’re like a close friend
The more I don’t have the right to tell you

I stretch as far as I can reach, but it’s still too far away
The more you’re like a close friend
The more I don’t have the right to tell you

That I love you

I stretch as far as I can reach, but it’s still too far away
The more you’re like a close friend
The more I don’t have the right to tell you

That I love you 💔

(Source: milktree, via mitrailleuses)

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